When I was in 2nd grade, I was stuck in a corner for participating too much. This character flaw has followed me all my life. My ex told me people didn’t like me because I shared my thoughts too much, and I just got feedback from my boss about the same thing.
The thing is, I’ve tried to stop my whole life. I only participate maybe 10% of the time, and I generally try to let others speak first unless no one is speaking up. But I’m still getting this feedback. I’m like a bull in a china shop, knocking down everyone no matter how careful I try to be.
The only solution I can come up with is to assume no one wants to hear from me and disengage. Stop caring, stop thinking, and stop participating altogether. I already feel isolated from everyone. This is just making it worse. I think I have to face the fact that I’m not welcome in any degree.
Any other ideas?
I feel you, as I sometimes am also prone to oversharing, but I think I’ve managed to reel it in. It does help that I’m a bit of an introvert, so being quiet is fine for me.
Not trying to sound too rough, but have you given any thought to if what you said/say in a conversation is relevant to the conversation itself?
I think that sometimes the issue isn’t that a person talks too much, it’s just that they start talking disregarding everything else that is going in the conversation and that can leave the other participants feeling overriden.
I also feel that it’s somewhat important to try and have a filter. To think: “Is this remark I’m going to make needed to progress the conversation?”.
Try to recognize that sometimes the best thing one can do in a conversation is to listen and ask questions. It’s fine not to be an active participant if it isn’t necessary.
Yeah talking too much isn’t necessarily an issue in and of itself. But I’ve known some people who just can’t seem to engage with others. Whenever they talk, it’s like a monologue and they don’t seem to take an interest in others or let anyone turn it into a complete thought. They end up making it all about themselves even if the topic didn’t start that way.
And sharing your own thoughts, opinions, ideas, stories is still a good thing. Just be mindful of how you do it. Was someone telling a story and all of a sudden you insert yours before they are done? Try to seem interested in others by engaging in active listening. Then, when the moment is right, you can switch to your own topic.
It’s ok if you aren’t even that interested in what the other person is saying. Just trying to seem engaged will help.
So OP, are you a monologuer? That might be the real issue and not that you “talk too much”.