So I met this girl by chance and we really hit it off, once I learned of her age I decided to just be friends as I think that 19 to 25 is an age were we mature a lot and I remember myself as a 19yo and I was not mature enough to be a good partner and to be good to myself.

I talked to a female friend of mine and she said that I’m over thinking it and that I should ask her out and be open minded, and so I did and we are going on a date soon.

The thing is, she seems really mature but I can’t put aside the age gap.

Am I over thinking it? Should I really just take it slow and just be vigilant about the situation and notice if this isn’t healthy for me or her?

Or should I let her down easy and continue as friends?

Update: We went on a date and it was great, I read all of the comments and there were some really good advices that I took to heart. I will take things slow and try to be as aware of the situation as possible. I hope it will go well :)

Thank you everyone!

  • MeetInPotatoes@lemmy.ml
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    10 months ago

    I mean, does the girl know what she wants and can she fend for herself in a romantic relationship? If so, then no, what are you worried about? The legal age is 18 in this country and if my nieces and their friends are any indication, women are maturing much faster than they used to and they matured faster than boys since almost always.

    A more stringent test though is, are you taking advantage of her immaturity? As some others said, only you can answer those questions. But don’t base it on how mature YOU were at 19, that’s apples to oranges my friend.

  • Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works
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    10 months ago

    You’re 100% overthinking it. If you like her and she’s into the idea, date her - more to the point, get to know her in that context.

    If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. But I mean, I’ve been with my partner for 14 years (married for 8 of them) with a 7 year age gap, meeting at the opposite end of our 20s. Sometimes it works.

  • CADmonkey@lemmy.world
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    10 months ago

    I met a woman once when I was 27, and we really clicked. She was amazing, fun to talk to, and beautiful. But then I found out she was only 19 years old and I nearly ended it. I didn’t, because we got along so well.

    I’m 43 now. She’s 35. We’ve been married for 14 years. She is still amazing, fun to talk to, she has an incredible green thumb and she’s grown awesome stuff for us to eat. She nursed a sick chicken back to life last week. The only nights we don’t have sex are the nights we are recovering from a marathon session in bed. She has deep green eyes and beautiful long legs.

    So based on my anecdotal “evidence”, I say go for it.

  • planish@sh.itjust.works
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    10 months ago

    Check to see if there is a power differential here.

    Are you an established adult with a Real Job and a nice apartment while she is struggling to figure out how to get out from under the thumb of her controlling family? Or is she happily making her own way in the world as a small farmer or boat salesperson or something while you have been futzing around painting skateboards and playing in a minor punk band?

    Older people dating younger people can be wrong because it is easy for the older person to have too much power in the relationship. If you have something she really wants or needs that you can provide or withdraw at will or as a condition of the relationship, you should not date.

    • A_Menace_To_Society@lemm.ee
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      10 months ago

      Wtfh why do you pretend like people can’t be nice if there is a power differential? A couple with a moderate power differential like you describe is only a problem if the powerful one decides to be a dick about it; it’s literally fine as long as they are a nice person and can commit to not taking advantage.

      • greenskye@lemm.ee
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        10 months ago

        Yeah, probably more of a ‘proceed with caution’ rather than a flat no.

  • b0gl@sh.itjust.works
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    10 months ago

    My grampa divorced my grandma and married a woman that’s 12 years younger. They have been together for 40 years now and have 3 kids. Go for it dude.

  • OceanSoap@lemmy.ml
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    10 months ago

    The moral panic about age gaps for any relationship where both people are over eighteen is so ridiculous.

    You’re fine. Just date her in you want to.

  • cooopsspace@infosec.pub
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    10 months ago

    Youre both young, be safe, responsible and do whatever you want.

    Honestly, I’ve got no objections to that age gap myself. It does quite depend on what type of people you are.

    I’ve had a mate date a girl who was still dealing with high school drama and going out for drinks for the first time and I was kinda like “holy shit you really did snatch get straight out of high school”. That’s my issue with it though, maturity levels.

    At the same time I had friends who both married and moved out at 18.

    The numbers being different alone mean nothing to me.

    At 25 I was dating to find out who my wife would be, if that’s you and she has a problem with it… Well yeah.

  • punkisundead [they/them]@slrpnk.net
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    10 months ago

    The thing is, she seems really mature

    Every time I read this I cringe. Because most of the time this comes from someone that cant really judge that. You dont seem to know each other for a long time or have a deep connection.

    Besides that I wish both of you the best and maybe it turns out as some of the positive stories in the other comments. Or not. Both are ok.

  • Jay@sh.itjust.works
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    10 months ago

    When I was 25, I met a young woman who was also 19. I couldn’t believe she was so young, because she seemed so mature. But it wasn’t an issue for me either.

    That was 12 years ago. We have been married for 5 years.

  • Chaotic Entropy@feddit.uk
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    10 months ago

    Not sure that a 25 year old is in a great position to judge the relative maturity of a 19 year old, but in general terms the only issue here is if you find it an issue. If you can’t be comfortable in the relationship then it doesn’t really work for you and you shouldn’t force it.

    That said, there’s no harm in exploring the prospect over the course of a few dates… just don’t commit yourself until you feel comfortable.

  • Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works
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    10 months ago

    I don’t think anyone can answer this question for you, it’s a question for yourself. Do you personally feel like your taking advantage of her age difference? If no, then you’re good. If the answer is anything other than no, then I think you need to reevaluate the relationship until you come up with a yes or no answer for yourself.

  • Mr PoopyButthole@lemm.ee
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    10 months ago

    I’m turning 31 this year, and my girlfriend is 25.

    We’ve been together six years now. I didn’t realize she was still 18 until the end of our first date, and she caught that I was visibly startled by it.

    I owned up that I didnt realize and assumed from our interactions that she was at least 20-22 and she laughed and apologized, saying she thought I knew her age.

    After going home and thinking about how well we hit it off, and how she found my concern amusing, I decided I was being silly and that if the age gap was a problem it would make itself evident.

    Best decision ever. Nothing wrong with paying attention to those things, just keep open communication with each other 👍

  • Cycadophyta@lemmy.cafe
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    10 months ago

    The age gap might make a relationship difficult, but it’s not wrong. Just make sure you have clear open communication and understand each other’s expectations. You’re both adults.

  • EdanGrey@sh.itjust.works
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    10 months ago

    I met my husband and we were the same ages. It was fine and we’re still together years later. Just ask her out.

  • Hardeehar@lemm.ee
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    10 months ago

    Your age, divided by 2, then add 7 = minimum age that most of society will deem okay.

    For example:

    25 ÷ 2 = 12.5 + 7 = 19.5

    So the acceptable age for you to date that avoids the ‘ick’ is around 19 years old. Honestly it’s not a big deal in the long run.

    For me as long as your above 18 and it’s consentual (ie. not forced, pressured, or groomed, etc), it’s fine.