This is my first time writing a post (and in an internet forum).

Last year, I found about narcissism through a few videos on YouTube. I was able to come to a conclusion that my parents (and some relatives) were narcissistic. They had shown these traits throughout my childhood.

Since then, I’ve been trying to make a couple of changes in order to help with the situation with my parents (like moving to another room, grey rocking). But it had a few side effects.

I’ve had to sacrifice self-care for a few months in order to remain low-contact. I’ve tried subtly asking them to get self-care products so I cope with most of the things going around at our house (we had a bug/fly problem, and much more).

Nowadays it isn’t much safe and I want to be able to change that. Is there any possible way to still live with the situation (until you’re at an age where you can get a steady income, have some independence)?

  • hedgehog@ttrpg.network
    4·
    1 year ago

    Some of this advice may not be applicable based off your situation.

    • Get involved in extracurricular activities. This gets you out of the house and gets you more exposure to people your age. It also might look good to colleges. If at all possible, do so without ever requiring your parents to help you, especially time critical things like rides
    • Alternatively or additionally, get an after school / weekend job. This does the same things as the previous one but also gets you money that can help you leave ASAP
    • When you are home, be nice. Honestly, be too nice. If I were advising my teenage self, I’d say “Hedgehog, imagine that you’re dealing with a very powerful toddler. You need the toddler to feel loved, so make sure to smile, keep your tone nice, and compliment it (what a nice outfit; thanks for helping with xyz; etc) even if the compliment feels ridiculous, like “I was just thinking about how cool was.” You can’t be candid with them; you’re not dealing with a rational person, but you are dealing with someone who has power over you. You might prefer to think of them like a jailer or an alien zookeeper.
    • Take care of yourself. Make sure you’re eating right, exercising, drinking water, getting fresh air, wearing clean clothes, sleeping in a bed with clean sheets and bedding, etc…
    • Remind yourself that just because the alien zookeeper said something about you doesn’t make it true. Aliens aren’t exactly good judges of human character.
    • Don’t tell your narcissist parents that this is what you’re doing. It took me far too long to realize that when post people are actively opposed to understanding what you tell them, there’s no way to explain it to them that they’ll get it. So don’t make things harder for yourself by telling them they’re narcissistic or an alien zookeeper or whatever.
    • Do your best to not get angry or otherwise act unpleasant.
    • On the other hand, do your best to firmly, but calmly defend your boundaries, when it’s important.
    • Pick your battles.
    • If possible, don’t have battles at all. Get your way without making it a fight. Ask for things only when they’re in a good mood.

    Some of these things “enable” narcissistic behavior, but if you’re moving out in a few years then it won’t be your problem anymore.

    • DroneRights [it/its]@hexbear.net
      0·
      1 year ago

      “Narcissistic behaviour” is an ableist dogwhistle. We don’t talk about enabling deaf behaviour, or autistic behaviour, because those are disabilities we treat with a modicum more respect.

      • angrystego@kbin.social
        2·
        1 year ago

        We talk about enabling harmful behaviour. No one has a right to harm others, not even those with a disability.