This is a serious question, mostly addressed to the adult women among us but also to anyone else who has a stake in the matter.
What did your father do for you/not do for you, that you needed?
Context: I have recently become a father to a daughter, with a mother whose father was not around when she was growing up. I won’t bore you all with the details but our daughter is here now and I am realising that I’m the only one in our little family who has really had a father before. But I have never been a girl. And I know that as a boy, my relationships with my mother and father were massively influential and powerful but at the same time radically different to each other. People say that daughters and fathers have a unique relationship too.
Question: What was your father to you? What matters the most when it comes to a father making his daughter loved, safe, confident and free? To live a good life as an adult?
I’d like this to be a mature, personal and real discussion about daughters and fathers, rather than a political thing, so I humbly ask to please speak from the heart and not the head on this one :)
Thank you
P.S Apologies if this question is badly written or conceived; I haven’t been getting enough sleep! It is what it is!
So much nice advice here. I’m turning 30 this month and my dad and I continue to be very close. Top things I’m grateful for about my dad:
My dad is always lifting me up, but he did not and does not give me empty praise. He to this day gives me compliments about specific things he notices, which is amazing for my self esteem. Some examples: While I was cleaning the other day and kind of barking directions : “I love it when you get in the zone like this. It’s like you can accomplish anything” or “that’s something I have always been in awe of about you; you somehow know when people are down and figure out a way to lift them up. You’re very intuitive about it.” Or during a long day of hard work, " you’re like a machine! You’re incredible. Do you need anything?" Complimenting every little thing will just make her not trust your compliments. Being specific and accurate in your praise will help her feel truly good about herself and also strengthen your bond.
Idk what it’s like if it’s a step daughter and not a bio daughter but my dad would take me out. We never called it daddy daughter dates or anything (ew) but he would take me to dinner and a movie, or buy me flowers, or stop for coffee or ice cream at local shops. If we had to go somewhere for work or to pick up something for a home project he’d just stop at a bookstore and say this place looks cool, want to procrastinate a little in here with me? I know he loves to spend real time with me and he’s always opening me up to new places/hobbies
MOST IMPORTANTLY: my dad adores and dotes on my mom. There is nothing he won’t do for her. He will help her with the same problem a hundred times. He will make her coffee just the way she likes it every morning. He spoils her, he relies on her, he treats her like he is lucky to be around her, and that helps me to know exactly how I should be treated. I don’t allow anyone to mistreat me, not partners, not coworkers, not friends or in-laws. I know what a healthy relationship looks like, and I know what a partnership of respect and love looks like. My parents argue in front of me, sure, but I never ever doubt how much they love each other.
This is all amazing advice, and I would like to add one thing to it, don’t lie to her. People casually lie to their kids all the time, “I don’t have any change”, “we are all out of cookies”, “don’t worry, grandma is fine and will be back to normal in no time.”. Kids aren’t stupid, and they remember way more than you think. They see you pull out the change you “didn’t have” at the next stop. They see/hear/smell the cookies that you are sneakily eating. They can tell something is wrong with grandma. Have some backbone and be honest, “no, we aren’t wasting money on trash toys”, “no, sugar this late will keep you awake and make you insane”, “grandma is not feeling well, but we are doing everything we can for her, and we are going to let her know we miss her and love her”.