I’m 24 and dealing with high blood pressure. I’ve seen five doctors, had countless tests, and they all say the same thing: “Take these pills and try to reduce pressure in your life.” It’s as though my blood pressure and heart rate have minds of their own, fluctuating freely without any reason.
For the past six months, I’ve felt like I’m on borrowed time. Every morning, I gulp down my pills, hoping I won’t have a stroke or end up disabled. Once, I dared to think I was better and skipped my meds for two days. Unfortunately, on day three, my blood pressure shot up over 150, bringing me crashing back to reality.
I’m not an nihilist, I’m the opposite of that. But facing my own mortality every second of life has hit me hard. Maybe I’m just like a “24 years old kid” tasting life’s bitterness for the first time. I hate to compare myself with others, but seeing friends partying, doing drugs, and sipping coffee just makes me hate this fate of mine even more.
I’m an artist, I studied music and wrote lots of songs (only keep them for myself, not trying to be a celebrity or anything like that…), and music has always been my escape. Lately, though, my songs have been pretty dark.
I’m sharing my story not for sympathy, but to connect with anyone else who’s going through a same journey in their life. If you’ve been there and made it out, please tell me how you did it. Any advice, hobby, or habit would help! And if you’re still stuck in the trenches like me, just know you’re not alone.
P/S: This post has been improved by ChatGPT since I’m not confident in my English.
You must log in or register to comment.
About 2 years ago I got diagnosed with a very bad case of osteoporosis. I’m 37 now and my bones are shockingly fragile. Saturday I moved to a new gaff, carrying a box upstairs, slightly bumping the box into my side on the banister. I felt how one of my ribs broke.
It is super annoying. Meds can’t really fix it though since other meds for another condition are likely causing the low bone density. I don’t know how many years this will take off my life expectancy or when I’ll have to start using crutches.
I’m not an nihilist, I’m the opposite of that. But facing my own mortality every second of life has hit me hard.
My sibling, You are not alone in living in constant terror of medical maladies that doctors have no interest in pursuing further than symptomatic treatment.
I am in the same boat. I have seen half a dozen doctors, all at great personal expense cause I dont have insurance, and been in the ER dozens times in the past 10 years.
and all I have is a handwave and “its probably anxiety”. Sure, I have anxiety. I have anxiety cause my heart rates over 200 for no reason. because my chest feels like an elephants sitting on it. because it feels like a flaming fist has Kali-Ma’d its way into my chest and is squeezing down in my heart. The anxiety didnt cause that shit. That shit caused the anxiety.
As proven when they stick that big beautiful syringe of Ativan or other powerful anxiety med in my IV and I go off to no-fucks given land, yet all my symptoms stay. Just now I dont care anymore cause I’m floating on rainbows amidst femboy angels.
But hey, my cardiac enzymes are good, and my EKG is clean (despite the 200bpm) so it just must all be in my head.
Hey OP not sure what music you are into but this song might hit hard with you. Theres also a bit of a message from the artist at the end that i found to be worth listening to to whole video.
This may be uncomfortable for some, my apologies to anyone who would have preferred not to listen
Searching hypertension… Wikipedia shows me this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Essential_hypertension However its safest to rule out any other causes https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secondary_hypertensionI’m in my 30s and feel completely hopeless right now. It comes and goes, I’ll be great for a few years then everything collapses for a few. Right now I’m staring down an expensive major surgery, losing a series of very important people in my life, divorce, work burnout. Just got to take it as best you can and try to find some goals to point toward
My current hobbies include doing as many physical activities as I can to keep my mind off things, painting minis, and playing ukulele. Do what you can to have good sleeping habits. My sleep is garbage and it makes everything 10x harder. As always, don’t forget to drink water
Seeing people around you partying, having gone through my own drugs and alcohol phase, it’s not all that worth it really. At least for me at any rate. I was much happier after I got a better feel for what I actually wanted in life instead of trying to use alcohol to fit in. I was like 27-28 when I figured that out
We’re all humans. In some way, shape, or form, we all feel helpless about one thing or another to an extent. People are poorly built for independence, especially if talking about in the form of single person homes, nuclear families, and jobs that involve a routine that’s set in stone. There is no such thing as complete soundness of mind, and parenting without the co-parenting help of the village is a huge balancing act. We are also often caught off-guard by the sheer complexity of some of the matters we face as well as those others face, with many moving parts we can piece together while others are perpetually in our blind spots. All those people you mention who go partying and drinking, although they may argue they’re living to the fullest in our crude world, take their perception of how experience works for granted. I’ve seen people whom everyone looks at with awe as the person soars to new heights before they are hit with a chronic medical condition, the one thing money can never protect you from. I myself have been reminded of my own unchangeable limits, having just the right set of circumstances that take my friends and family away from me, being pressured into resuming a past relative’s residence which moved me away from friends by a few hundred miles and invoked jealousy in my remaining family members. The truth will always be that humans will find it more ideal to be unconditionally generous and interdependent onto each other, without the cue of any system of thinking, which will be especially true as the complexity of existence increases and our intelligence grows which will cause more mental disorder to arise. I might have anhedonia, the medical community’s name for what comes off to them as a lack of motivational feelings towards the world, but I still can feel when the world lacks what it suffers without.
now
OP you sound exactly like me at that age. I was diagnosed with kidney disease at 16 and got a transplant after one year of dialysis at age 27.
Things were amazing after that but now I’ve got terminal cancer at age 41.
Make the most of everything you’ve got while you still can.
