Not to brag but I’m a pretty confident person in my social circle. I’m funny, make people laugh etc. etc.
Basically, I am adored by everybody.
But there is something that I noticed about myself lately. Regularly people come up to me to chat and sometimes they compliment me. Now, complimenting isn’t a bad thing, obviously. But I just don’t feel anything when I receive them.
However I enjoy it when people talk good things about me when I’m not present. I, again, don’t feel anything when people talk shit about me when I’m not present. BUT I really enjoy it when people straight up come at me and say something bad at me. My mood increases and I spend the rest of my day happier.
Is this some kind of a defense/coping mechanism that I have unintentionally developed? I don’t see anything bad about this.
It’s also worthy to say that I spent the majority of my life isolated up until a few years ago. No compliments at all but nobody to say bad things either. Is this why I fail to appreciate compliments?
I love compliments but they also mess with me a bit. Like, I don’t know how to respond. Like, half of me wants to say thanks! And then ramble for 20 minutes about what they complimented me on, and half of me wants to say thanks and compliment them back. The former is usually weird and I honestly have a bit of trouble complimenting someone on the spot, so I just kind of freeze, and it’s made more difficult because at the same time I’m trying to process someone saying something positive about me when I’ve only thought of myself negatively for a very long time. It’s wonderful and difficult all at once
I’m usually cheerful around people but when they compliment me out of the blue I just get quiet. I’m not thinking about anything either. My mood decreases. It’s not that I devalue myself. Deep down I am disgustingly egoist. However I don’t inflict any of that on others. People wouldn’t classify me as an egoist at all. Perhaps it’s my ego that’s causing this? I’m unsure.