Oh gosh, it sounds so similar to my past I wish I could give some advice to get you to a sober version of yourself.

I guess one thing I can say that maybe is not a commonly expressed opinion, is to acknowledge the positives of drinking, specifically for you, and then find something else that can replace drinking. Provided we realize that anything we do as a routine over and over is likely to have negatives, and that the degree varies widely, all we would need to do is switch out drinking with a less dangerous routine.

Ill give myself as the example here though. For me, drinking was a social thing. I was increasingly forced to socialize more and more as part of my day (work and starting a family) and I at least when I was younger was someone who preferred long periods of time alone, and longer periods of socializing would leave me exhausted. Alcohol made me the star when I was socializing, although I would realize later on that I only thought that in my head and I was making a fool out of myself far more regularly.

That was the main trigger that lead to drinking, and then I was convinced also that “there are definitely people who can drink one or two a day and be fine”, so that was my goal of “healthy” drinking. Anyone who has been through addiction will quickly realize what dosing your drug of choice every day without fail is going to lead to tolerance and addiction in most cases, which is what happened.

In a twist of horribleness, I would use alcohol itself to cover up the negative side-effects of alcohol. I know that sounds ridiculous at first, but for example after about 6 months of the casual daily drinking and I had moved on to daily binge drinking I would drink to deal with the hangovers immediately after waking up. That ones common, hair of the dog right? But also if I had a headache because I was dehydrated from drinking only beer or liquor, I would try to drink that discomfort away. Must just need more alcohol right?

Anyways, a less dangerous routine right? If you get to the point I was, someone had to stop me physically to sober me up for at least a handful of days before I could get a handle on it. Hopefully you are far earlier in this process where the discomfort caused by swapping out drinking for another routine will be bearable. For me unfortunately I was only able to switch to something that I am sure many would say is just as bad as drinking, and that is smoking recreationally legal marijuana in my state. I can’t say what it will be for you of course, but for me and dealing with the amount of socializing that’s required working a full time customer service job and having a wife and two kids it is a world of difference, as my wife can attest to.

Final thought: Drinking is the worst solution to almost every problem, pick something else, ANYTHING ELSE. You would literally be better off if you went to a methadone clinic tomorrow and switched to that. I am NOT advising that is the ideal way to get off of alcohol, I am saying its a routine that could replace alcohol that would be healthier for you by leaps and bounds. My point is that baby steps can work here, just go with something just a little less bad, and then when you get used to that in 2 or 3 weeks make another baby step if you still don’t like where you are.

TLDR: Drinking is the worst solution to almost every problem, pick something else, ANYTHING ELSE. You would literally be better off if you went to a methadone clinic tomorrow and switched to that.