I’m an introvert and I like going to work to do my job and go home. I don’t understand people who use a job as a substitute for friendship or marriage. It’s a means to an end.
The sooner I do my duties, the longer my downtime is going to be, and I love having my downtime.
Many of my colleagues see me and immediately start asking questions I don’t want to answer, but neither do I want to hurt their feelings, I mostly want to be left alone. In the past this has been deconstructed as arrogance and people with fragile egos feel insulted by my indifference to them and that I prefer to work than to talk to them.
The world is made by extroverts. I have observed that people are eager to help you if you give them attention. I don’t get it, but neither I’m not going to change how extroverts think or feel.
If I give them the attention they need for as long as they need it I’m going to end up with daily headaches and neither my job nor theirs is going to be done.
I want to appear approachable, but keeping the info I feed them to a minimum. How do I do that?
What do you talk about to your coworkers?
What do you say to stop conversation organically? (meaning they don’t get offended).
An “I’m good thanks but I got to get back to this” is usually good enough for most people.
In terms of managers that aren’t happy with a “not now”, my suggestion is check in with them at the beginning or end of day, show what you’re planning for the day at the job and shoot the shit if that’s their thing. The trick is let them talk your ears off for up to like 5 minutes before you start focusing on your work, and if they ask questions about your weekend etc. go with “it was relaxing” and give general, vague answers. Respond to their ramblings with “wow, how did that go?” and stuff to have them go on. That should generally satiate their need to conversate with you for the day.
You have your needs to largely be left alone, they have their needs to be social, there is a way you each can get your fill. The rest of the day you can say you are busy and don’t have time for chat. Also, earbuds with music if you’re allowed that at your workplace to drown out most distractions.
Depends on what you don’t want to give out, an example such as you don’t want to divulge your marital status at all vs. you just don’t want to say what you do in your married life, will have the answer vary. But make it about them more and for the most part you’ll be fine.
Not giving much of your information will give you a bit of mysterious personality to people, but that’s inevitable unless you either share your personal life or straight up tell lies about who you are.
is that good or bad?
Neither nor, generally. It doesn’t bother me personally, it might to some, as when they try to draw up what they know about you and they come up blank it may feel slightly uncomfortable, but they can get over it and usually they put that fault on themselves not asking the question.
When I tell my parents about a new coworker, they always ask “where are they from?”, and they expect me to either make a guess or have asked that question in the first week. I don’t usually ask someone that as it’s not pertinent information to me, unless I figure it out through context clues or when the topic goes to that after we are more familiar and share more.